1: Take child to indoor playground on rainy day. Have fun while being exposed to germs at the same time. Pay the price later, in the form of a lingering, crappy cold for both.
2: While sick drink morning coffee on an empty stomach, followed by a sudafed chaser.
3: Wear one of those ridiculous BreathRight strips on the bridge of your nose, to the amusement of your child (bonus points for neglecting to remove it before leaving the house).
4: Eat msg-laden ramen noodles for breakfast.
5: Follow that up with a big ole slice of cake.
6: While in the shower realize there isn’t a towel nearby (as your darling child has ripped the towel bars from the wall, and you’ve neglected to toss your towel onto the substitute - the radiator).
7: After showering, shake yourself off like a dog, inducing dizziness and nausea, then attempt to retrieve towel without slipping on the floor.
8: After drying one’s unruly mane reach for the styling creme and apply liberally. Panic after realizing it was not styling creme, but hand lotion.
9: In a hurry (and since you’ve neglected to do the laundry for too long) reach for an old favorite dress. Wiggle and wriggle into it. While at the bus stop realize said dress is now two sizes too small and wearing it is similar to being bound by a corset. Have panic attack that induces hyperventilation.
All right, so not all of these things happened on the same day…but they did happen. And we are sick. And cranky. You can be too, if you follow these simple steps. You can thank me later.
