weapons of massdistraction

Things were supposed to be on the calm and quiet tip. Naturally it was a frustrating week of vexing vexation instead. Red Hot Art in the rain was a bust. I’m still upset about my son’s hair being shorn. And the same third grader has been giving him grief at school (which is year-round). I’ve misplaced the A. Lee Martinez book I was enjoying, Monster, right as I was reaching the climax. What happens next? I need to know! NOW! The not-knowing hasn’t exactly been keeping me up, but my sleep schedule was out of whack all week. And I finally subjected myself to the unpleasantness of an annual physical, a year overdue, but won’t have the money to pay the medical bill when it arrives. Funds were already low before this week’s car repairs, but I hadn’t expected to drop over a grand on the Mazda. OUCH. The pocketbook pain. It stings. So yes, a week filled with much irritation and intensified financial woes. First for me but now for my Dad too: St. Paul’s longest-serving police officer must retire at 65, but he doesn’t want to. That’s right, my Dad is turning 65 soon. And the coppers claim they can do nothing about this mandatory retirement rule. Yet if he held the rank of commander, or higher, he’d be allowed to stay on until the age of 70. That seems awfully arbitrary. At least I got some laughs out of the newspaper article. After 42 years on the job the man has some amazing tales. But I’d nearly forgotten about this gem:

Morrow said his most memorable day on the job “was probably when the wolf bit me. I think it was 1982.” He was sent to a bar in downtown St. Paul “that doesn’t exist anymore” on word that someone had brought in a pet wolf and it had bitten a customer, Morrow said.

The wolf then bit an officer who arrived just before Morrow. When Morrow saw the animal, he first thought that “it was a huge German shepherd.”

The officers tried to get the wolf into a then-empty lot behind Mickey’s Diner, and the animal “started coming at me and took a piece out of my knee,” Morrow said. Morrow shot the wolf.

“It looked surprised and ran across the street,” he said. Other officers shot and killed the wolf.

My Dad was bitten by a wolf! Behind Mickey’s Diner, of all places. Did that turn him into a secret werewolf - “part man, part wolf, ALL COP?” He’s clearly all BADASS. Now I’m kicking around ideas for a lycanthropic cop comic book, based on his experiences. If only I could convince him to do the artwork himself. Now that would be a productive (and possibly lucrative) use of his twilight years. Storyline suggestions are welcome.

Bonus: Bruce Campbell’s Top 10 Performances, according to Geeks of Doom.
Plus: Meteorite Strikes Teen’s Hand; He Survives - 14-year-old hit by 30,000 mph space meteorite. Ouch, sure, but neat!
And: Hey Oscar Wilde! It’s clobberin’ time!!!