A semi-satirical “autobiography”

Update! I’ve purchased the domain werewolfcop.com because, of course. Why wouldn’t I? I was stunned it was available. There is a Facebook page as well.

My Dad is probably not like your Dad. He has always been an extremely creative introvert. I’ve just begun documenting his physical creations on flickr here. But for years he’s kept pen and paper next to his bed so he can document his dreams. Occasionally he gives me these scraps of paper, for safekeeping. I really need to start transcribing them. I’ve dubbed “Deep Thoughts With Werewolf Cop” - enjoy!

February 14, 2018

It’s the middle of the night, and very dark. To my left is a building which is visible only because the single door in it is lit by a lone light bulb above it. The wall of the building is slanting away from me at an angle.

On the right a figure enters my field of view and is completely wrapped in aluminum foil. The figure duck walks Chuck Berry style toward the door. When it arrives at the door it straightens up and the aluminum foil is shed and falls to the ground. The figure is revealed to be Elvis. He is wearing a white jumpsuit covered in rhinestones. He turns to face me and with his right arm he reaches under his gold trimmed white cape and brings out a rocket launcher, which he aims at me. He says “a hunka hunka burning love” and fires the rocket at me. I hear a loud explosion behind me and flames blossom at my feet. I look up to see Elvis duck into the doorway.

December 21, 2012

I’m in a brightly lit bistro seated on a lightly padded bench which is covered with rose colored cloth. In front of me is a two foot square table made of brushed stainless steel. To my right are two similar tables. The bench continues on at a right angle with four more tables. There is a stunningly beautiful women at each table. They could be runway models but instead they are all celebrated dress designers. We all have cups of espresso in front of us and East Indian music is softly playing in the background. It sounds like Ravi Shankar. The ladies are discussing the merits of designs of dresses that appear on the many sheets of paper they all have on the tables in front of them. I tell the woman to my immediate right that I’m also a dress designer. She looks at me skeptically so I reach under my table and bring up a light tan portfolio two feet long by eighteen inches wide and two inches thick. I set it at my table and unzip the portfolio and unfold it on the table. I withdraw one of the dozens of drawing inside and show it to the girl next to me. She gasps audibly when she sees it and the heads of the other women all turn in our direction in unison.

December 19, 2012

I’m outside at dusk. A newly risen full moon illuminates wispy clouds. High up in the sky I see a figure form. It’s a large wolf, solid black. It begins dropping slowly toward the earth. It lands half a mile away from me and begins stalking in my direction. As it gets closer to me I can see its huge yellow fangs and blood red eyes that seem to glow. I can hear its breath that sounds like a steam engine. I try to move in a direction away from it but it is relentless. It changes its direction to match mine and is quickly closing the gap between us.

December 1, 2012

I’m at a house party in a large rambling mansion. There are many people around including my daughter Sharyn. I don’t recognize any of the other guests except for one older fellow who tells me he is a retired policeman who used to work with me. He seems familiar but I just can’t place him. I am sitting on the left side of a couch. Sharyn sits next to me in the center. The obnoxious retiree jumps backward onto the couch to the right of Sharyn with such force that we are both bounced off of the couch. I walk through a doorway to the right of the couch and pass through a room behind the couch to a doorway near the left side of the couch. A card table is blocking the doorway back to the room where the couch is. There are several different sized glass panels in square shapes, rectangles and some ovals laid out on the cloth covered table. The retiree appears on the couch side of the table and proudly states that he has reverse painted all the glass panels. I take a good look at them and note that the artwork isn’t up to the standard of a seven year old child.

November 28, 2012

I’m lying on my right side on top of a black nineteen forty Ford. My back to the wind shield, I can see out the open door of the two car garage the car is parked facing out of. The left space is vacant. I can see across the ten foot concrete apron and the twenty foot dirt roadway to the edge of the roadway where grass is growing. A stand of pine trees rises after another twenty feet. The black fir trees can be made out against a pale sky. There are two grade school desks side by side facing me on the shoulder of the roadway. The desks are occupied by two little men identical in appearance. They have short white hair and short white beards. They are wearing thick round eyeglasses and dark clothing. Just then a bird flies out of the woods into the empty space of the garage to the left of me. I identify it as a flicker because of its markings. It vanishes into the depths of the garage. I turn my attention back to the little old men who begin to shimmer and gradually merge into one little old man. The remaining little old man resembles Sigmund Freud.

Thanksgiving 2012

My buddy and I are in a large room with a dirt floor. It’s about eighty feet square. Dimly lit by a small fire crackling by the middle of the far wall. There are small branches and various sized rocks strewn about. There is a large mother bison asleep in the far right corner. We can hear her soft steady grunts as she snores. We are in the center of the room by a baby bison which is lying down facing the fire. My buddy says the baby is also sleeping. I walk to the right about twenty feet and pick up a baseball sized rock. I return and bounce the rock off the baby bison’s head with a thunk. There is no reaction from the baby but there is a loud snort from the mama bison who is awakened by the sound. My buddy and I look at each other as we realize we are in trouble. We start running to the only door in the room off to the left. My buddy who is twenty feet ahead of me reaches the door and opens it halfway and slips through. I feel mama bison’s hot breath on the back of my neck as I go through and pull the door shut!

November 8, 2012

It’s a sunny morning and I’m in a park surrounded by a wide expanse of well manicured grass. I’m by a small stream that passes through the area. I notice a car parked on the far side of the stream which is unusual, as there is no roadway there. The car is facing to my right. The driver’s door opens and a woman exits the car. She is a middle aged black woman wearing a navy blue dress. She looks a lot like Oprah Winfrey. She is carrying a clipboard and walks up a hill toward a large apartment building. When she reaches the building she jots something down on her clipboard. She turns around and walks down the hill toward the stream, wades across it and continues on down the next slope until she is no longer visible. A man appears next to me. He looks like Leslie Nielsen. He is holding a small notebook. He says to me “I see you have had a D.V.I.” I don’t know what that means.

October 31, 2012

I’m in a dimly lit underground parking garage which has four foot wide pillars thirty feet from each other. There are several mob goons in the area. They are dumping dead bodies in the open trunk of a black Cadillac about fifty feet from where I am sitting in my car. The Cadillac beings moving toward the exit and I want to follow it out. I can’t steer my car however because the steering wheel is not attached where it belongs. I find the steering wheel and am able to pull my car up behind the Cadillac. I attempt to attach the steering wheel to trunk of the Cadillac where the keyhole is. Now the Cadillac has become a boat with a small hold where more bodies are stacked up. One of the bodies is sitting on the deck with his legs extended in front of him. He is talking but the words are not in sync with the way his lips move. His eyes are white without irises. His face looks familiar as he drones on.

October 22, 2012

It’s very early morning and still dark out. The sky is partly cloudy and the wind is making the clouds scoot across the sky. I’m in a courtyard with about half a dozen people to look at a sculpture that I have made out of a wire mesh and placed in our front yard. It’s an elephant about a foot tall. Just then I catch a movement in the sky out of the corner of my eye. I look up and see a witch on a broom going from my left to my right. She is moving fast and in seconds disappears in the clouds. I should “did anyone else see that?” They say “see what?” And I go on to explain that I had just seen a witch wearing a purple satin dress on a broom. She wore a hat made of the same material with a yellow ribbon two inches wide wrapped around the conical hat next to the brim. The two ends of the ribbon which are about a foot long trail behind the witch and flutter in the wind as she zips along side saddle on her broom. I never saw her face!

October 9, 2012

I’m in a yard holding a hose that has no nozzle. Water is gushing out of it and I am spraying water all over the bare grassless ground by holding my thumb over the end of the hose. There are dozens of toddlers running around the yard. As I reach the end of the yard I feel an object in the hose under my thumb. I pull out a two foot long branch about a quarter of an inch in diameter. Now there is mud oozing out of the hose. I determine to follow the hose back to its source to see what is causing the problem but the toddlers have formed a horde which is blocking my progress.

October 9, 2012

I’m out for a night on the town with a friend. We enter a small bistro/caberet to sample its entertainment. We sit at a small table in front of a tiny stage which is lit from above by a small spotlight. A chanteuse appears on the stage. She resembles Liza. She begins belting out songs a la Ethel Merman. After a couple of songs she insists that I come up on stage with her. Once on the stage she has me lie on my back and straddles me with her face almost touching mine. She asks me what my nationality is. Irish? German? French? I smile at her and say “cheese!”

October 6, 2012

I’ve been to a bakery and have returned home with a plate containing six plain cake donuts and six cherry donuts with cherry icing. I get into bed to offer my wife a choice of donut. My cat Busby jumps up on the bed and begins chewing the cherry icing off the donuts.

September 24, 2012

I’m traveling around a grassy park with a female companion. I have a long black stick with which I can launch a small pale blue rocket from its tip. We are in the center of the park. It’s a sunny day and I plan to fire my rocket here because there are no people in the area. I trigger the firing device and am disappointed as the rocket only travels about twenty feet before falling to earth. We walk off for a ways and come across a bearded man sitting in a chair facing a wall. I show him my rocket I launched and he is completely unimpressed. I begin crawling up the all which is made of black earth and flowers and has a slight slope which makes it possible to climb. I reach the top some forty feet later and off to my left my female companion has completed the climb by using a stairway. We turn around and face forward into the cockpit of a jet airplane twenty feet wide. As we look out the windshield the jet takes off but begins losing altitude and is heading down a tree covered mountainside. At the bottom we plunge into a river.

September 23, 2012

I ride my bicycle into a mall. There are a few people wandering around. I park my bike near an empty storefront. I enter the storefront through a single door in the center of two large plate glass windows. There’s a stack of wood pieces and sheet metal shards off to the left in a pile in the corner. The storefront space was just constructed and the workmen have yet to clear away what materials had been left over. I find a wooden yardstick under the pile and begin measuring the width of the room. The yardstick is ratty and chewed up. I don’t like it. Just then I discover another yardstick in the pile that is in much better condition. As I begin using the new yardstick a man in a dark grey suit enters the room and asks me what I am doing. I tell him that I saw the for rent sign taped to the window and am measuring the floorspace because I may be interested in renting the storefront. He says he is a representative of the owner and the dimensions are ten feet by twenty five feet. He gives me his name and phone number, which I write down.

September 17, 2012

I’m in an underground cavern which is weakly lit. I don’t know the source of the lighting. I am on the edge of a large pool of water that extends a great distance. The water is about three feet deep. Midway between the surface and the floor of the pond is a thin sheet of calcium carbonate which is clear as glass. The sheet has odd sized openings throughout. I spot a black and white cat swimming in the pond going from one level to the other by passing through the openings. It’s my cat Elliot! I shout at him to come out of the water but he either doesn’t hear me or is simply ignoring me, which is more likely since he is a cat. Just then I notice a cat swimming in a similar fashion. It’s my cat Busby Berkeley. I yell at him to come out of the water but am met with the same indifference. Two men appear along the shore of the pond. They are wearing dark overalls and white hard hats. One has a clipboard and the other holds some kind of instrument. I ask the man with the clipboard what they are doing. He tells me they are from a Swedish company whose name I don’t recognize. He says they were sent here to take measurements and to survey the area. Both cats now exit the pond and I pick Elliot up in my right hand and Busby in my left. They are both soaking wet. I head off with them to find a place to dry them off!

September 4, 2012

It’s night time in the city. A lot of traffic is moving through the canyons of downtown. Something is amiss. The drivers are panicked, trying to escape something. The something is an alien wheel shaped object twenty five feet wide. The edges taper to a knife like wedge. The wheel is rolling through the streets crushing cars and cutting them in two lengthwise. I enter an alley to escape. I am hiding behind some wooden boxes but it has somehow sensed where I am. It is dark in color and has entered the alley. There is no indication of how it is propelled but it can move up to 30 miles an hour.

July 14, 2012

I occasionally have lucid dreams where I know in the dream that I am in fact dreaming. This is especially interesting because it means that I can have conscious control over what happens in the dream. For instance, today I found myself in an open courtyard and on the far side, on top of a roof, was a devastatingly beautiful woman scantily clad in a jade green sash that barely covered her; she was becoming to me. I did something that I do in a lot of lucid dreams; I jumped up and pushed off, and floated toward her approximately two feet above the ground. I slowly floated toward her. As I neared the edge of the roof I saw that I was eye level with the eave. I backed away and slowly settled to the ground. I then noticed a ramp to one side of the courtyard and walked up it so that I was at the same height as the roof where the woman was. I now jumped up and pushed off of the ramp, and again floated toward the woman.

Then I woke up!

This woman appears in many of my dreams. I believe she is my anima or my feminine side.

July 13, 2012

Several knife sharpening steels are involved. They have been placed in a pile of half a dozen. I pick one out of the pile and place it on the ground about a quarter of mile away. From a distance of half a mile away a crack appears in the ground. The crack which is about an inch wide heads directly towards me at a speed of about thirty miles an hour. As the crack travels toward me through the barren earth a half inch high wall of earth is pushed up on either side of the rift as a deep rumbling sound accompanies the movement.

I have constructed a pyramid approximately fifty feet high. It looks good but you can tell it is a fake. There is a small mountain of dirty laundry next to the pyramid which is half as high. At the top of the pile of laundry abutting the pyramid I have constructed a golden mummy exhibit much like Tutankhamuns. There is a cartouche with realistic looking hieroglyphics inscribed on it next to the mummy.

This is now all inside a large room of a museum. People are coming in from a door in the far wall of the room to view the mummy and pyramid. Among the visitors is a young girl of about six years old who begins crying.

From a door to the office of the museum director the form of the director appears. He is over nine feet tall and he sweeps the weeping girl into his arms. And, twirling around as if waltzing, he disappears through the far door with the young girl.

Now there is only one visitor left in the room. He looks very strange and is moving in jerks and fits. Upon close inspection I see he isn’t human. I knock him to the floor and he splits in two at the waist. One of his legs is a fire axe and the other consists of two very large knives. The creature’s head seems to be some kind of cigar box. A knife appears in my hand and I stab the cigar box which bleeds a thick black oily substance. The automaton shivered and then lay still.

July 8, 2012

I’m zipping around the streets of the city on my mini-bike. The bike is like a motorcycle but it is quite a bit smaller than the motorcycle I owned in 1968. I have a passenger by the name of Kevin. I’ve never seen him before.

We make a right turn onto a street that is lined with orange traffic cones marking off an area where parade floats are queuing up. We drive past several floats on the right side of the street. That end of the street is blocked off with barricades but I’m able to squeeze past them. I head to a hardware store across the street that just opened up since it is 9am. I drive into the store through the open front door. Kevin and I dismount and Kevin is looking into a glass case at some hardware.

The clerk picks up the motorcycle with one hand and remarks how lightweight it is. I comment that it is only eighteen pounds in weight.

July 7, 2012

I’m in a darkened room with two men and a woman. We’ve been discussing mysterious disappearances around town. In the past few days over two dozen men and women have vanished without a trace. Over two million dollars was taken from the local bank vault.

There is a shadow box attached to the only door to the room. It has a glass cover on it. Behind the glass are 24+ watches of various description. Some are mens watches, some are womens watches, some are pocket watches. The dial the bank vaults is behind the glass.

We decide to leave the room and exit the door. There is a weak light to the sky which is overcast; it is early morning. We pass by several old buildings in the town down narrow dusty streets. It looks like an old west ghost town.

We reach the framework of a partly constructed building at the edge of town. There is a narrow door with dark green paint which is cracked and peeling in spots. We pass through the door to a grassy area and walk for about a mile. We are headed westward. The land gradually sinks downward toward an inlet from the ocean. We are about a half mile from the shore.

I point to the west and say ‘look at that! What is that?!’

Out in the calm water of the cove a quarter mile from the shore appears the head of a creature. It has the shape of an orca but looks like a frogs head. It is solid dark grey and is heading into shore. It’s as large as a killer whale and more of it emerges from the water as it nears the shore.

Far out to sea another creature appears in the sky. It appears to be akin to the monster in the water. It has batlike wings and seems to be sliding down to where its brother creature is in the surf.

The two men begin running toward the shore; the woman and I decide we should head back up the hill.

By now the men who are nearing the surf change their minds and begin running back up the hill.

The woman and I turn around and watch in horror from the hilltop as each man is picked up in the hind talons of each creature and carried away out to sea.