My life — and this blog — have always leaned into distractions. The self-soothing techniques I learned as a little kid in a dysfunctional household may not be the healthiest: escapism through reading; watching movies and TV; and playing video games. But I had no idea this early training would serve me so well in my 40s. Or that stress cooking and baking would factor so heavily into my adulthood. And it is strange to watch the rest of the world catching up with these coping mechanisms. Well, those, like me, who have the luxury to stay home, away from the pandemic’s front lines. People who once had other distractions that don’t apply to me. Like sports (watching and playing them), regularly spending lots of time with family (haven’t got any really), going to all day beer festivals, etc. Those folks are just now figuring out how to hang out at home and how to cook and bake and plan meals. This is all old hat to me. But I do miss live music shows, eating out at restaurants, traveling, and socializing around fire pits. And we’ve only gotten one month of this under our belts, as of today.
Lowlights from the weekend:
- While drinking boxed wine Friday night, I had the brilliant idea to chop off my split ends with kitchen shears.
- I had to take too many doses of Excedrin for a splitting headache verging on a migraine and my heart has still been racing, despite my decreased caffeine intake (yes, I know Excedrin contains caffeine, which is one reason I’ve been decreasing my coffee intake to half a cup in the morning).
- I did not go for any walks or do yoga.
- Vacuuming did not happen.
- I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, other than my kid.
- I failed to Harvest my Hamama microgreens at their peak, yesterday, and woke up to find them looking sadly wilted. I know the feeling.
Highlights from the weekend:
- When we moved into this place in August I noticed the signal from the wireless router in the living room didn’t quite stretch to the back bedrooms so well. A few months in I bought a Meshforce wifi extender system but it sat in the box until yesterday. It’s all set up now and the signal has been boosted.
- I watched Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it was as wonderful as everyone has been saying.
- While it was snowing in April outside I whipped up a hearty seitan stew and listened to a lovely episode of The Daily from the NY Times: Weird Al Yankovic’s Weirdly Enduring Appeal. Here’s Weird Al with his daughter cosplaying as him. Adorable.
- Saturday I watched Superman: Red Son with my son. It’s getting harder and harder to find new movies he’ll agree to watch with me so I was thankful for this one.
- I put in way too many hours playing Animal Crossing. But I finally got the hang of fishing and we’re done with that creepy bunny day rabbit. Hoping to see some shooting stars soon.
- I waited so long for this Killing Eve season premiere. And then they went and killed off one of my favorite characters! But it was all done so perfectly.
- Another fine episode of Westworld. I particularly enjoyed this week’s plot device with Caleb. And a subtle observation from Bernard: “She’s sending them off their loops.” Chilling.
File under a little of column A, a little of column B. I have piles of unread books but I opted to re-read Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files. All of them. There are like, 17 books and a bunch of short stories. I think I’m on book eight already. I have a love/hate relationship with this series. Overall, they are fun and I enjoy the world-building. But he’s crap at writing women. So many micro-aggressions in these books along with misogyny and subtle racism. I’d forgotten about or blocked out a lot of it. But it’s still like being reunited with old friends. Old, flawed friends. Like real life. That’s oddly comforting.
Yesterday I set up the wifi extender but I also assembled a vegan Easter basket for my 20 year-old son. And collaborated with my ex-husband’s wife to arrange a social distancing Easter egg hunt in our backyard for my boy. That was definitely the highlight of the weekend.
Well, I made it through another work week. But these big moods are taking a toll on my body. I have an unusually low resting heart rate. 55bpm. But not this week. My heart has been racing, no matter what I do. Initially, I blamed Sudafed. But I only took one dose of that on Monday. Even after that was out of my system, the racing heart systems persisted. I’ve tried meditating with my Calm app and doing yoga and decreasing my caffeine intake. No dice. It’s not quite to Tachycardia levels but still. So I am about to have my first telemedicine doc appointment to see about some relief. Possibly in the form of Propranolol, a beta blocker often used to treat anxiety. We’ll see.
Five items of note for this new era:
Update: The telemedicine doc was 20 minutes late. Just like in real life! But there was no virtual waiting room or any way of knowing that she was running behind. So that only caused my anxiety to increase. We had a thorough discussion of my general health history and recent symptoms and she does not think I have anything to worry about. But to get in touch if this is still troubling me in a week. She also suggested I see if my therapist is taking telemedicine patients yet (she has been out on maternity leave all year).
I have been trying my best to limit the amount of news I take in daily. But every day there’s one new gut punch after another. I was in tears this morning before my coffee was done brewing. Like some, I am lucky to still have my job and it is one I am able to perform from home. But like I’m seeing others state, I am at home during a crisis, trying to work. It’s not the same as when I worked from home before, in the Pre-Hanks/Wilson era. That’s a term I picked up from the Staying In with Emily & Kumail podcast. It’s pretty perfect. I remember having to go into the office one more workday after the news broke about the Hanks/Wilson diagnosis. But that really did feel like a turning point in the US. Anyhow, last night I needed an escape after my workday was done. Our small two-bedroom condo is starting to smell stale. And it’s not yet warm enough to air it out. So I sat in our building’s cramped backyard, drinking alone and listening to podcasts while sitting on the glider swing I brought along when we moved in last summer. This morning brought news that the City of Minneapolis won’t open beaches, waterparks or wading pools for the summer. It makes sense. But our condo doesn’t have central air. I hope, for everyone’s sake, that it will be a mild summer.
When I came back into the house I felt like zoning out to some TV. I settled on rewatching Counterpart. J.K. Simmons is brilliant in it. So I put on the pilot and quickly remembered one of the subplots. Residents of Berlin are walking around in face masks because a deadly virus had killed hundreds of millions of people. Not so relaxing. So I played a little Animal Crossing before bed instead but my danged museum still isn’t ready yet.
This morning I listened to the latest Endless Thread episode, with Max Brooks. If you haven’t yet, watch the adorable PSA with Max Brooks and Mel Brooks. Then listen to this: Max Brooks, Preppers, And What ‘World War Z’ Can Teach Us About Coronavirus
Good stuff. It includes an interview at the end with a longtime prepper. I used to be more dismissive of those folks, I will admit. But this advice tickles my list-making heart. Do you feel unprepared or underprepared for the current crisis? Do you want to be better prepared in the future? Start by making a list. That’s what I’ve been using Evernote and Trello for, for years, as well as plain old-fashioned paper. Though the adorable 2020 planner I picked up in Portugal in January? That seems pretty useless right now.
And from author Charles Stross, a writer I’ve been enjoying for years, who posted about reality stealing his line. I would much rather read a novel about the coronavirus written by him than actually live through this current bullshit.
Lastly, the message we’re receiving from all corners boils down to inequality in health outcomes putting the entire population at greater risk. In other words: “We all do better when we all do better” (man, I miss Paul Wellstone). Yet, our greedy and power-hungry political and corporate overlords keep making all the wrong moves. And all I can do is keep watching the train wreck.
Is it really the last day of March? The longest March I have ever known. Last March flew by. All week Facebook Memories have been reminding me how much fun my son and I were having this time last year, in the Netherlands. The only netherlands I’m visiting now? Our slightly spooky basement and storage locker. It has been a particularly strange and stressful day. And it wasn’t until this evening I realized two things: 1) our state parks pass expires today. And 2) my long-estranged mother turned 70 today. Strangely, I remember the day she turned 30. Which makes me feel old and sad. And there’s more than enough of that going around. Thankfully, I saw a pair of perfect tweets the other day that took me back to my alternative youth:
@ItsTripp
The new NIN albums that came out today are like spa music for goths. Super love it. cc: @kittenwithawhip
Kat Kinsman @kittenwithawhip
This is extremely accurate. I had no idea as an angsty, misfit goth teen in my parent’s basement listening to Pretty Hate Machine on repeat that Trent Reznor and I would somehow evolve together, but here we are. The new stuff is so, so good and needed right now.
Since then, I’ve been listening to it non-stop. Some write-ups:
It has been the perfect quarantine soundtrack. Though I have also been taking an extended island vacation. In Animal Crossing for the Switch. We broke down and bought it last weekend when the weather was non-stop gloomy with some extra snow thrown in. But yesterday the sun came out again. So I took a long walk near the local lakes. But it wasn’t nearly as relaxing as I’d hoped. Everyone else had the same idea and most people weren’t practicing proper social distancing, despite the posted signage. It was frustrating and only amped up my anxiety. Today’s walk was better. I realized that cemeteries can be a great place for social distancing and there happens to be a gorgeous one near us. Much more peaceful. I posted some photos, of course. A friend saw them and sent along this interesting article. Right up my alley. Or walkway.
Our First Public Parks: The Forgotten History of Cemeteries
From tiny plots to wide-open “rural cemeteries” and modern “memorial parks,” the evolving design of cities of the dead
I’ll definitely be returning for more leisurely strolls. I’m still trying to convince my son to leave our condo for fresh air more often.
Years ago I was at a Half Price Books when I stumbled on a stash of ridiculousness, on clearance. A giant pile of activity books from David Lynch’s 1984 adaptation of Dune. I bought multiple copies of each. Over the years I’ve given some away as gifts but I still have two complete sets. I’m not the only one totally baffled by this strange marketing tie-in.
Elsewhere:
We reached a point in our last week of social isolation / quarantine where my kid was SO bored, I allowed him to put the papercraft together from one of them. We have not made the Spice cookies. Yet. (I tweeted about this and it was moderately popular among my fellow nerds.)
It has been strange to see so many people grappling with the same mental health challenges I’ve faced my entire life. But we are all grieving on micro and macro levels these days. What I’m feeling most acutely, other than anxiety, is anticipatory grief. My son was slated to participate in a summer internship program. He was scheduled to attend a big mentoring session the other night, with practice job interviews. I was slated to be on an AIGA panel today to discuss and review portfolios with a group of young designers. And had been looking forward to that.
My son misses his job. He had been enjoying the work. And I found out too late that he was allowed to take home a cookie after every shift but never did, because he’s still a strict vegan. Hey now. Mom’s a bit more flexible these days. I would have eaten those danged cookies! But I never even got to sample one of them. A minor quibble in the grand scheme of things. And we’ve been doing plenty of baking and cooking while social distancing. Minnesota’s official “stay at home” order went into effect Friday. But it seems like every other state has another name for it. Wisconsin is calling it “safer in place” and San Francisco called it “shelter in place.” Whatever you want to call it, we’re staying home. And it’s looking like it will be for the long haul. This pandemic is getting out of control thanks to a combo of this nation’s individualism, a broken healthcare system, and a federal government that is not looking out for its citizens.
Five Distractions in the time of Covid:
We’ve made nearly every meal at home since we began social distancing. I splurged on delivery from our favorite Vietnamese restaurant, and we’ve gotten Pizza Luce and Glam Doll Donuts as well (my son’s favorites). I’ve been feeling anxious about the safety of takeout and all grocery delivery, but this article made me feel a little better.
Every day feels like a new reality. And this is just the wind-up. I had a particularly discouraging start to my morning. I’ve been turning to The Daily podcast from the NYT more and more as this pandemic unfolds but this edition was too much of a reality check.
Why the American Approach Is Failing
“Shelter in place†orders and the closing of businesses are a reaction to the failure to act earlier to prevent the spread of the coronavirus.
So far, the United States has been losing the battle against the pandemic, with a patchwork of inconsistent measures across the country proving unequal to halting the spread of the virus. Today, we ask: What will it take to change the course of the crisis?
Honestly, I was shaken and haven’t recovered since listening to it. But only so much is in my control. I feel powerless but am trying to focus on what I can actually manage. We have been social distancing at home for a week and a half already. I ordered two new digital thermometers off ebay at a markup, I’m sure, because other sites are all sold out (we seem to have lost ours in the last move). I am still employed, for now, and have a job to perform. And, as a parent, I am trying to prepare my son as much as possible without scaring the crap out of him. We are both homebodies who thrive with a certain amount of structure and routine (the last time I used this post title was under far more adorable circumstances). We’re still trying to blend old routines with new ones, just like everyone else. I’ve been continuing with my lunch walks, but they aren’t nearly as relaxing, now that I have to veer off sidewalks and paths to avoid less conscientious pedestrians in my neighborhood. And my son is too terrified to go on walks at all. He is sticking to his same sleep schedule and mealtimes mostly, but has opted to forego lunch, in order to make our food stores stretch more. I’ve ensured him this is not necessary but he has seen his Dad adhere to this calorie restriction technique and decided to give it a try. It saddens me. But I have no doubt that life is going to be very different on the other side of this, for those who survive. Now it’s only a matter of time before we are completely engulfed by this pandemic.
So much has changed in just one week. On a personal level, our household went from two people with three jobs to two people with just one form of income. But I am grateful I can work remotely for my full-time position. The one that pays the most and covers our health insurance. We are in ok shape, for now. Our household is well stocked with food, supplies, and distractions. And I’m so relieved I bought this condo last year. It’s just a 2BR, all on one level, but it is comfortable. It figures that our dishwasher crapped out on day one of our social isolation. I’m glad I taught the kid how to cook when he was younger but now we have two cooks in the kitchen throughout the day, making messes. At least hand washing the dishes gives him something to do while I’m working. And my employer provided all staff with a Wellbeats subscription, to encourage exercise while we’re stuck indoors. I tried one of the yoga classes and it was just the thing, and the inspiration for this post title.
I’ve always been an extremely online person. But now almost everyone is! It feels real weird. I can’t keep up with all the tweets and FB posts and live streams on FB, IG, Twitch, etc. Though I am glad I helped my son set up his Steam account. He was video conferencing with his Dad (via Jitsi, so much tech out there!) who was walking him through how to use Tabletop so they can continue their D&D campaign. Nerd life. It was the happiest I’d seen him all week. Speaking of, feeling this tweet real hard right now:
hey y’all bless the SREs all over the world keeping twitter, twitch, zoom, webex, discord, etc etc etc etc etc, all going right now
My son has been self-isolating to the extreme. He didn’t leave our 4-plex, other than to take out the trash, from Friday to Friday. Yesterday morning I talked him into taking a walk around the neighborhood, in the cold sunshine. And today I convinced him to take a hike. We took a long-ish drive to a state park, while they are still open. If I had gone solo I would have walked a lot longer but my son has little patience with aimless walking. For him there must some sort of reward on the other side. Often in the form of a movie theater, a basket of onion rings, or a comic book store. He doesn’t understand why I want to walk for the sake of walking. Maybe that will come with age. And I hope I’m around to see that.
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Last night I listened to the audible version of N.K. Jemisin’s Emergency Skin, eerily and perfectly narrated by Jason Isaacs. I highly recommend it. But it hit close to home with our current crisis. Highlighting what happens when a small group of greedy people hoard all the wealth and power and the damage that does to the population at large. Like these jerks:
A medical device manufacturer has threatened to sue a group of volunteers in Italy that 3D printed a valve used for life-saving coronavirus treatments.
The valve typically costs about $11,000 — the volunteers made them for about $1. The volunteers should be celebrated, not punished. But individualism is the enemy of public health. Also on blast? All of these companies trying to operate business as usual and sending out their regularly scheduled marketing emails. Like I’m gonna book travel or buy that new Spring outfit right now. So many have already lost their jobs and those of us who still have work don’t know if we will after this all shakes out. Worse yet, the companies trying to market using the pandemic in some shady kind of way. And the non-essential businesses forcing their employees to go to the office anyhow, even when their work could be done remotely. That is definitely not flattening the curve. And many have called this out but grocery store workers - who are now critical infrastructure - should be paid and provided with benefits in a way that reflects that.
As discouraged as I’m feeling, I want to shout out some positives.
- People Are Fighting the Coronavirus With Mutual Aid Efforts to Help Each Other
An explosion of mutual aid networks is happening online. Like this, from Bandcamp: Supporting Artists During the Covid-19 Pandemic
To raise even more awareness around the pandemic’s impact on musicians everywhere, we’re waiving our revenue share on sales this Friday, March 20 (from midnight to midnight Pacific Time), and rallying the Bandcamp community to put much needed money directly into artists’ pockets.
- Calm suggests we Take a Deep Breath and offers up some of their resources at no cost.
Without a doubt, many of us are feeling anxious as we navigate the uncertainty of COVID-19. We’re feeling it too, and we wanted to share some of the tools we’re using to take care of our minds and stay grounded.
- Other wellness articles are popping up for people new to working from home.
- As theaters shutter nationwide, major studios are going straight to streaming
- Hoping to participate in this Quarantine Book Club.
- “Netflix Party is a new way to watch Netflix with your friends online. Netflix Party synchronizes video playback and adds group chat to your favorite Netflix shows.”
- I am working on limiting my news intake. Drinking from the firehose does me no good. Now more than ever there’s got to be a balance between being informed and fixating on every new piece of awful information. I’ve found The Daily podcast from the New York Times to be very helpful.
At least I’m sheltering in place with my son. Things are particularly uncertain for him. But he is handling this with more grace than I could have hoped for, though he is obviously feeling down. His classes may be resuming online in April but it’s still unknown. I’m trying to find a way to help him structure his days while I continue working. I have tried Agile / Kanban with him in the past but it didn’t take. A former co-worker put this guide together, with her kids now at home, so our household is going to take another crack at it.
What a weekend. My fears have been panning out. Despite dire warnings from Italy — the country with the world’s second-worst COVID-19 outbreak imploring the rest of the world not to make the same mistakes — not enough Americans have been taking this seriously. Bars and restaurants were still packed nationwide, with idiots celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. The myths of American exceptionalism strike again. Individualism is the enemy of public health. While some idiots carry on with life as usual, there have been opportunists intentionally hoarding critical supplies in order to exploit those in need be engaging in price gouging. Scum of the earth. Store shelves may seem empty but we are still a nation of great abundance.
‘There Is Plenty of Food in the Country’
Americans have been alarmed by empty grocery shelves, but while food suppliers and retailers say they are struggling with surging demand, they insist the supply chain remains strong.
It has been too slow to happen, but state by state leadership is shutting down schools and, in some areas, public gathering places. The CDC is recommending against groups of 50 or more gathering for the next eight weeks. Restaurants are still open in Minnesota for now (hopefully that will change soon). But my son and I have been staying home since Friday. Thankfully, I can work remotely for my day job. My teaching gig at the college is up in the air, as is the remainder of my son’s academic year. I’m not so worried about myself but I am grieving a bit for my kid. He has faced u unique challenges as a young adult with autism. It’s been harder for him to find employment and to maintain friendships. In the last few months, he had just established a social circle and started his first job in January. Now that’s all on hold. I also worry about so many workers who don’t have a safety net. People who make a living from coming into close contact with others in restaurants, beauty salons, music venues, etc. This is just shining a spotlight on how needlessly precarious life is for so many, and how arbitrary a lot of it is. We need massive political change now more than ever. With safeguards like universal healthcare and a basic universal income.
The more hopeful side of things:
It’s fascinating to see how so much is moving online so quickly. Some of which had only had bare-bones pilot projects before now. Like online learning for students of all ages, first-time remote workers, online book clubs and music lessons, online therapy (of course), and groups of friends trying to zoom to socialize. I only hope our infrastructure can scale up to handle the increased traffic. I’ve been going lower tech myself, reading and cooking and cleaning and working on jigsaw puzzles. But I’ll want some sort of human interaction eventually. Ashley Fairbanks put together some great guidelines about how not to freak out during this crisis. And, I will reiterate, please stay the fuck home to help halt the spread of this pandemic.
