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Be Wrong Fast

Over the weekend, on an otherwise pleasant Saturday, I had a big blowout with my kid. Over the most mundane of things. The laundry tub lint trap. It wasn’t so much about that specific thing but a concept he has yet to grasp. I get it. I learned the hard way myself. “Be wrong fast.” It’s applicable in professional settings, but equally so in interpersonal relationships. Quickly acknowledge when you’re in the wrong. Ask questions, if appropriate. Learn from the situation. Make a mental note to do better in the future. Then move on. Instead, my son deploys operation “excuses and deflection,” which I find infuriating. And I don’t always bring my best self when reacting when he has his shields up. We were both wrong that day.

My son, posing in the hallway with our new retro wallpaper with jaguars and tropical birds
My other son, Fred the cat, posing in the hallway with our new retro wallpaper with jaguars and tropical birds

Vibrating at Another Frequency

The older I get, the more life seems to be in flux. I’ve started several draft posts recently. But after a day or so everything seems like old news. How about a roundup instead? In the last month I:

  • Turned 48, on the day my Dad turned 77. We celebrated together with lunch at his favorite restaurant;
  • Accepted a new position, even though I wasn’t looking for work;
  • Traveled to Seattle with my son to visit family and friends. Our trip coincided, unfortunately, with their record-breaking heat dome;
  • Attended the Turf Club’s Open House reopening event (felt great to be back in that space);
  • Purchased tickets to too many upcoming live music shows (many of which may end up being canceled or postponed);
  • Have been plagued by anxiety and self-doubt but heeded my therapist’s advice. To “change the channel” or at least turn the volume down on that noise;
  • Enjoyed some ice cream places around town with my kid (we particularly appreciated our inaugural visit to MN Nice Cream);
  • Took photos at a Siteimprove event with their new CEO and COO before leaving the company. The party was a great way to say goodbye to colleagues.
  • Experienced my first day at a new job for the first time since early 2015. Onboarding will be uncomfortable for a bit, while I absorb a great deal of information. And get a feel for the systems and processes and how they tie into the bigger picture. But I’m excited.

Currently, I’m hiding out at home with the windows shut thanks to a very unhealthy air quality alert. Between this and the Delta variant, there’s plenty to fret over. Yet these are not the threats I expected to be dealing with as an adult. As a kid, I was worried about the ozone layer, getting kidnapped by strangers, nuclear war with the Soviets, and quicksand. Simpler times.

Selfie in Seattle
Becky, myself, and Parker in Seattle outside the Unicorn
My son with a giant vegan waffle cone from MN Nice Cream

Masterly Inactivity

Finally. I finished teaching for the semester so I’m down to just one job. Instead of teaching prep this weekend, I’ve surrendered to laziness. Yesterday I couldn’t tell if it was 1981 or 2021 when I took my kid to see the original Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark at the mall. We went to enjoy the air conditioning. Growing up, I always looked forward to June in Minnesota. Because it meant the school year was over and it’s the month of my birthday. But also because the weather was always mild and perfect. Not so anymore. We’re in the midst of a flipping heatwave and temps aren’t cooling off at night. I do miss having central air. Which is one reason I’ve willingly gone into my office a few times. It’s the first time I worked from the office since the start of the pandemic. My company moved in the thick of it so it was a little surreal to return to work in a totally different place. I’ve been playing that game of “is that a new employee or someone I haven’t seen in 15+ months?” I honestly don’t know most of the time. Polite head nods of acknowledgment for everyone!

Last weekend we hung out with friends at a BBQ. It was so great to see everyone. My friends gave my son his first-ever beer. Though that one beer made him a little sleepy and grumpy. A few days ago we had board game night with a co-worker friend (and his cats). Tomorrow night I’m meeting another friend for happy hour. I look forward to many more social interactions to come, while our current doses of the vaccine are at their most effective. That’s also why we’re flying later this month, to visit family in Seattle. Our first flight will feel a little surreal but it will be fun to be out of our tiny condo for a bit and back in one of our favorite cities.

My boy, with beard and beered
Me, sitting on a large, curved blue couch in my company's new office
Freddy, a large orange tabby, lounging on a blue couch

An Exercise in Curation

Lately, I’ve found it difficult to write. I feel overwhelmed in multiple areas of my life. But I’m doing the work, thanks to therapy. Feeling the feelings. Naming what’s going on and being more compassionate to myself. While I’m working on being more present, I also allow myself some enjoyable distractions.

I bought our condo in July of 2019. I’ve been gradually making improvements. Some are less visible than others, like replacing the boiler back in January. But last week I had our hallway repainted a daffodil yellow. And I replaced the three pendant lights in the kitchen (that I loathed). Today a plumber replaced our OG 99-year-old toilet and installed my new kitchen faucet. It’s all coming together. Next, I need the wallpaper hangers to come by to jazz up an accent wall. Then hire an electrician to install a pile of light fixtures. And, lastly, there are a couple of tile-related projects to take care of. Overall it is feeling a whole lot like home.

Cya, 99 year-old toilet!

Celebration of Durability

It has been an especially strange time to live in Minneapolis. I’ve posted about the Chauvin trial plenty elsewhere. I’ll just reiterate that this verdict is accountability more than actual justice. There is so much work to do yet. And Minneapolis can’t even begin to do the work until we vote our current weaksauce mayor out of office (I never voted him in). In this next election, I will vote for Sheila Nezhad, whose values align with my own. I hope she is elected as it will mean a better Minneapolis for us all.

Five Good Things:

  • The other day I attended my first live music event / social gathering of the year. It was largely outdoors. I bundled up appropriately. It felt moderately awkward to begin with since I’m so out of practice. And there were a few folks I didn’t quite recognize behind masks. But the music was lovely and I’m glad I went.
  • Ron and Russell, of Sparks, have written a movie that looks interesting. Annette, starring Adam Driver and Marion Cotillard. And The Sparks Brothers documentary by Edgar Wright will be screening as part of the MSP Film Fest next month.
  • I have an appointment scheduled for my next tattoo. It’s not until August but it’s with the person who first tattooed me nearly 30 years ago, and many times since, and I trust him. Plus? I can walk there from home.
  • Adulthood has its perks. All of my bedding is from Marimekko and last night I slept on the newest set of sheets. They are so very lovely and comfortable.
  • On my walk last night I listened to the latest Why Are Dads? podcast episode with the fantastic Eric Garcia. They dug into Rain Man. I clearly remember when that movie came out. Growing up, I only had two first cousins. One of whom is autistic. Going out in public with him was always an adventure. People would ask what was wrong with him or glare at us over his puzzling behavior. He was just stimming or self-soothing. He lived in NYC but my aunt would bring him to St. Paul for weeks at a time in the summer. Now that I am older and the parent of an autistic young man I can only imagine how much havoc that wreaked with his routine and comfort. I’m sure it was constant sensory overload. If Rain Man had been done well, it could have from the perspective of the autistic main character rather than his jackass brother’s. The movie did bring more awareness to autism but it may have done more harm than good. Anyhow, this podcast episode is wonderful. Pre-order Eric Garcia’s book, We’re Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation.

This weekend has been one to relax and recharge. But thanks to targeted ads + insomnia, I ordered this Vietnamese coffee lover’s bundle early this morning. It’s a good thing I really do love Vietnamese coffee. I did manage to get some things done: laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, walking. But my media consumption has been excessive. I’ve watched season finales for Falcon and the Winter Soldier and For All Mankind. I also hate-watched the new Mortal Kombat movie (why, Sharyn, why?) and somehow binged the first season of Shadow & Bone, despite not enjoying it much (I read the books years ago but can’t remember them). Tonight I will watch the latest episode of The Nevers, which could be great but is just ever-so-slightly off, followed by Mare of Eastown, which has been wonderful. My point? Too much TV time. I look forward to better weather and more fully vaccinated friends and family members to visit with.

Pink hyacinth in bloom
Funerary statue of a young woman resting her head on one hand while holding a wreath in the other hand
An orange tulip just beginning to bloom

Everything is Alive

Spring has sprung. And earlier than ever, according to science. Recently, NPR’s Short Wave podcast had an episode entitled “Are seasonal allergies getting worse?” Spoiler alert: yes! I could tell as allergies set my eyes aflame earlier than ever. But it’s all so beautiful. Flowers are beginning to bloom and the grass is turning green. We did jump from Monday’s heatwave, with a high of 84, into chilly, rainy gloom for the rest of the week but I don’t mind. I made some favorite comfort foods like the NY Times creamy mac & cheese (secret ingredient: cottage cheese), zucchini muffins, and paneer butter masala. I also treated myself to Turkish bagels and Turkish coffee from Cafe Ceres. And today we will be getting Zen Box takeout, again.

Five inspiring things:

  • Sarah Bahbah’s ‘3eib’ Celebrates Female Sexuality and Arab Identity:

    In her latest photo series, ‘3eib’, released last September, Palestinian photographer Sarah Bahbah lets audiences into the deepest, innermost parts of her soul as she sorts through her traumas and her life experiences, all while reclaiming her Arab heritage.

    [Indulgence Intensifies]

  • Praise be to Madam Adam on tiktok. Their motivational videos get me through some of my tougher days. “I am capable. I am enough. I’m a bad bitch.
  • Maeve Higgins! I’m a longtime fan and appreciate her Social Distance podcast. But her recent piece in The Guardian makes me want to give Outlander another shot. “Bolstered by a gutsy female lead, this sexy historical drama was the perfect antidote to a life reduced to groceries shopping.” I don’t even do my shopping in person. Just online. Though I’ve had plenty to keep me busy with two jobs. I have 14 more classes to teach this month and next and then glorious freedom! Well, I’ll still have my full-time job but that will feel like a cakewalk after this last year of teaching remotely after work.
  • Speaking of pandemic life, as more of us are getting vaccinated (in the U.S. anyhow), I’m not the only one wondering what life will look like on the other side. My son looks forward to returning to campus and seeing his friends in person. I would prefer to remain working remotely, while slowly easing back into social activities.
  • Long before the pandemic, I bought a ticket to see Bikini Kill in Milwaukee. Then the show was rescheduled. Several times. It is now scheduled for October. In a burst of optimism, I went ahead and booked a hotel room and took some time off from work. I hope it still happens but it will be surreal to be in a packed music venue again.
a yellow daffodil blooming, surrounded by brown dried-out reeds
tree branches reflected in rain puddles on the road alongside bright green grass

The Edge of Unpleasant

My son had his first dose of the vaccine on Monday. Such a relief. When I booked his appointment there were dozens and dozens available so I shared the link. Because of that, at least a dozen people I know were able to get in as well. We ran into several of them in the parking lot (including an ex). It was also a record-breaking heatwave of a day, reaching 84 in April. And the day my doctor advised me to stop taking Prozac. The side effects have been miserable for me. I’ll try again with another anxiety medication after consulting a specialist. I’m particularly interested in pharmacogenomics, the DNA testing that can be done to determine what medication might work best for someone.

Genetic testing can help a doctor determine whether a medication will be effective for a patient and provide dosing guidance. It can also help alert clinicians to medications that might be potentially harmful to patients.

That seems promising. Naturally, health insurance might not cover it. For now, I just need to get myself through April and May. My day job has been overwhelmingly busy and I’m teaching on top of that. I have 15 more classes to teach before I get a break. We’ll be fully vaccinated by the end of May and I’m taking two weeks of vacation time from my day job. Part of that time will be spent on projects around the house, going to the dentist, and maybe, just maybe, getting another tattoo. But I’ve changed my mind about travel. Rather than a road trip, we will be flying to Seattle to visit family. The CDC has deemed it safe for us. At the start of the year, we had no idea when we would get our vaccine and I was resigned to not travel again until 2022 at the earliest. This still feels surreal. I’m relieved that our family will be fully vaccinated but I feel guilty about it. So many others haven’t been able to get an appointment. Though FEMA will be holding a mass vaccination clinic at the MN State Fairgrounds starting next week. I hope a lot of folks are able to get in there.

My son showing off the bandaid on his arm after he received his first dose of the Moderna vaccine

It’s Only Heavy If You Lift It

It was a rough week, on multiple levels. The trial of Derek Chauvin has been grueling. The prosection has been doing a great job and I am so proud of the witnesses who have testified so far. And this is causing vicarious trauma, particularly for our Black brothers and sisters in our community and around the country. The conclusion to this trial had better lead to justice for George Floyd.

On top of that, my first week of taking Prozac has been a rough one. I have experienced nearly all of the potential side effects. Particularly the increased anxiety and insomnia, the two main symptoms I need the most help with. Things are supposed to settle down after a couple of weeks so I’ll try to stick it out.

In better news, tomorrow my son gets his first dose of the vaccine. We’re a Moderna family, all around. I’ll have my second dose on April 14th. I’ve pre-ordered these “I’m Vaccinated” pins for us. And I’m taking two weeks of vacation time in June. We’ll be fully vaccinated by then. I still don’t feel comfortable flying anywhere but we’ll probably take a road trip.

Five good things:

  • Hannah Gadsby on the “Comfort Cocoon” She Calls Her Clothes
    The comedian and writer decided to drastically minimize her wardrobe “because my sense of self is not defined by how the world sees me, it is defined by how I feel in the world.”
    So relatable. In the last decade, I’ve been working toward this comfort cocoon myself, but the pandemic certainly pushed me along in this journey.
  • Yesterday I woke up and broke with routine. Usually, I listen to podcasts while starting my day. But I couldn’t handle listening to any of my favorite talky-talk shows. Instead, I turned to Song Exploder. There are so many episodes I hadn’t heard. I particularly enjoyed the Khruangbin, Robyn, and Lindsey Buckingham episodes.
  • A very relevant-to-me twitter thread about “soft skills” (boo) vs interpersonal skills led to the discovery of a super helpful resource that is “a table of im/mature coping strategies described in practitioner manuals for treating developmental trauma”
  • I’ve preordered a ticket to stream the Poly Styrene documentary next weekend:
    Raucous music adorns this deep dive into the life of Poly Styrene (1957-2011), frontwoman of the pioneering English punk rock band, X-Ray Spex. A biracial woman operating in a majority-male, overwhelmingly white genre, Styrene made her biggest mark with her boisterous anthem, “Oh Bondage, Up Yours.” Co-directed by Styrene’s daughter Celeste Bell, this involving documentary offers up stirring band footage; recollections of bandmates, friends, and relatives; and most crucially, Bell’s memories of her brilliant, mercurial mother.
  • Yesterday my son and I enjoyed the deliciousness of takeout from Zen Box Izakaya along with Godzilla vs. Kong on HBO. It is showing at the Vali Hi drive-in but those shows are selling out and you have to wait in line in your car for over an hour to get a chance at getting in. I’ll take the comfort of our own couch for now.

I’m working on being kinder to myself. I have a bad habit of beating myself up for not getting enough done. But then I remind myself I’m the single parent of a thriving autistic son. I work two jobs to support us. I’ve raised him to do his share of household chores. If the place isn’t spotless at all times, that is ok. Though it is satisfying when I’m able to tackle some long avoided tasks. Like yesterday, when I pulled everything out of the fridge, including the drawers and shelves, and gave everything a good scrubbing.

Today is Easter. We’re not Christian but we do celebrate with vegan chocolates. I ordered some fancy ones online, like I always do, even though my kid is now an adult. And his chocolate bunny? It came decapitated. The head is still in the box but not attached to the bunny’s body. That’s somehow fitting for our second pandemic Easter. The weather, however, is unusually mild. Last year it snowed on Easter. Today it will be 75° so we’re doing a backyard visit with my ex-husband’s family.

drawing of an angry bunny with the text Greetings from the Beaster Bunny

For the People

Despite becoming an activist as a teenager, it took me years to come to terms with the deep roots of systemic oppression in this country (and globally). My younger, more idealistic self knew these systems were flawed. But I had such a simplistic view of things. I thought that if we just raised awareness, we could work together to fix everything. I was shocked to realize that so many people were apathetic or supported, either actively or passively, systemic injustices. I learned how these systems are intended to pit us against one another. How unique expressions of privilege and oppression can exist simultaneously.

That was a long-winded intro just to say that hey, today is day one of the Derek Chauvin trial in George Floyd’s murder. As a Minneapolis resident (and human), I have been outraged. George Floyd’s family will have to endure hearing the horrific details of their loved one’s murder along with character assassination from the defense. I am anxious about the outcome of this trial. Will these officers be held accountable for their crimes? Our country doesn’t have a great track record in these situations. There is so much uncertainty. But what I am certain of is that the City of Minneapolis needs new leadership. We are demanding a more just Minneapolis and Sheila Nezhad has the vision and the skills to help us build it. I’ve pulled some information from her website below. You can support her campaign by supporting the Auction for the People that also launched today.

You have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world. And you have to do it all the time.

– Angela Davis

We deserve to thrive, not just survive.

What does it mean to thrive? To Sheila, thriving means having the power of self-determination. Self-determination means, simply, a person has control over their own life. Social justice means that your race, your gender, where you were born or the work you do does not restrict how you get to live your life. Thriving means that we have the right to joy, not just to get by. We deserve to have places for our youth to be together safely, green spaces to play, and community art that inspires hope and resilience, like the murals we saw emerge throughout the city this summer, windows into a world we have not yet built.

Justice and safety are intertwined

Sheila wants to build a world where we are all safe, all people can walk down the street without fear, everyone has their basic needs met, and every person has someone to call when they need help. Our city deserves better options than violent policing and mass incarceration as our only choices for public safety. The majority of crime happens because people don’t have their basic needs met. In order to create a safe city, we need affordable rent, fully funded schools, more youth programs, comprehensive sex ed that teaches healthy relationship skills, and accessible mental health supports. We need economic, social, racial, and environmental justice to have a safe city, and we need to start investing in alternatives like mobile mental health teams, so we make sure we can get the right care to people experiencing emergencies.

Power comes from the people

Power comes from the people and our policy-making should too! Sheila believes that we should craft our policy solutions together, creating city services that meet what communities really need, following the lead of those actually doing the work on the ground. The People’s Budget is a great example of ground-up policy development. Sheila was a lead organizer and endorses the demands in the People’s Budget, alongside seventy-two organizations and hundreds of Minneapolis residents.

Throughout her campaign, Sheila will work with you to build a people’s platform! Did you join the Policy by the People series? In this six-part series, community members shared the transformative work they are doing in their community and the real-time needs they are seeing in their neighborhoods. The series included: environment, housing reparations, safety & health, community wealth, and education, and informed Sheila’s policy platform.

This auction starts today!

Sail, Not Drift

Today marks a significant turning point. I took my first dose of Prozac. This is the first time I’ve turned to medication to improve my mental health. It took long enough just to get myself into therapy. Now, at age 47, I’ve realized I can’t breathe my way out of my anxiety disorder. While I am anxious about the potential side effects, I’ll assess how I’m feeling at the end of this first 30-day supply. To that end, I’ve started a daily journal to document how I feel along the way. This might not be the solution I need. But it is a process. I need to start somewhere. Something had to change and it feels good to take charge.

In a couple of weeks, I’ll have my second dose of the vaccine. And, as of next week, my son will be eligible for a vaccine in MN. Our governor is opening it up to everyone over the age of 16. Once our pod is fully vaccinated, I’ll be able to hug my fully vaccinated father again. This is my sort of Spring Fever, super cautious style.

THIN ICE signage next to a fully melted Como Lake